


A Sith's Passion

by BeaconHill



Category: Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic (Video Games)
Genre: Dark Side Revan - Freeform, F/F, Seduction to the Dark Side, The Dark Side of the Force (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:15:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28579575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeaconHill/pseuds/BeaconHill
Summary: The night before Revan would have attacked Juhani on the grasslands of Dantooine, Juhani's friend and lover Belaya sneaks out from the Jedi Enclave to warn her of the coming danger, and reveal a secret: that her reason for forsaking the Jedi Order and fleeing to the wilderness was a lie, a 'test' set up by her Master to test whether she was too angry over thedestruction of her homeworld.When Juhani finds out, her faith in the Jedi is shattered, and she feels she has no choice but to leave Dantooine and the Jedi Order, and make her own path out in the galaxy. But for all that she doesn't want to join the Sith, their team of Jedi hunters has no interest in offering her a choice. Cornered by a Jedi hunter, Juhani reluctantly agrees to seek out the Sith Academy on Korriban for her training.
Relationships: past Belaya/Juhani
Kudos: 4





	A Sith's Passion

The sun sets over the hills of Dantooine as I watch from my warm bedroll. The clouds are rolling in – a storm on the way. I may have lost the shelter of the Jedi Enclave, but my kath hounds found me an alternative. A dry cave, the floor covered in the same rough, dark permacrete that so many of the ruins out here are made of, one the kath hounds have always used for shelter. They're all in here with me, save for those few sentinels who'll alert me should the Jedi near in the night. But still, I look out through the cave mouth as the rain starts to pour down in sheets.  
  
It's remarkably easy, imposing my will on so many animals. I'd never tried that before – never tried anything like it, always so afraid of the shadow of the Dark Side. But it is so easy – and it feels so good, connecting to these simple creatures in a way that I never could to the aloof, controlled Jedi of the Enclave. I have never felt so alive before – living in the wilderness, hunting for my food, with only my faithful hounds for company.  
  
Even if the Jedi come after me for my betrayal, even if they slaughter me in this cave where I lie, I'm not sure I'll be able to regret my week on the grasslands.  
  
Then I hear a howl in the distance, and suddenly all my fears of that slaughter surge to the forefront of my mind. Someone's out there. Someone all too willing to draw their lightsaber on my hounds.  
  
"Juhani!" calls the distant shout, faint and unidentifiable, nearly stolen by the wind.  
  
I dive out of my bedroll, strike my lightsaber – my old blue crystal now lighting up _red_ , a grim reminder of how far I've fallen – and ready to head out into the storm to fend off the invader.  
  
"Juhani, where are you!" the voice repeats – and this time I freeze. I _know_ this voice. Belaya. She's a committed Jedi – I can't think she'd be running out here to join me. But... Belaya loved me. I don't think... no matter what the Jedi might have told her to do, I don't think she's here to kill me or capture me.  
  
"Belaya?" I call, tugging on the minds of my hounds, pulling them away from her. No need to get them killed fighting her, no matter why she's here. "I'll come out. Give me a second!"  
  
I put on my standard-issue Jedi raincoat, dull tan plastic, and pull up the hood. I'll look just like any Jedi – maybe for the last time. I turn the telltale red lightsaber off before I go, the kath hounds following in my wake.  
  
Belaya is standing on the nearest trail, not fifteen minutes' walk away. She's alone, her lightsaber hidden away beneath her raincoat. When she sees me, her smile nearly glows, for all that she is scared.  
  
She walks right up to me, and hugs me, and in that moment all I can think is _Force, I missed this._  
  
"Hi," Belaya squeaks, clearly distraught. "I... I was scared I'd never see you again. You didn't try to call me, or anything!"  
  
"I didn't think you'd _want_ to see me," I whisper. "I didn't think I deserved to. I killed my master, Belaya. I..." But the words don't come. I swallow, hard, as my head tilts toward the ground.  
  
"But you didn't," Belaya says. "Quatra's not dead."  
  
" _What?_ " I breathe. "No— are you trying to make me feel better? That's not possible!"  
  
"It is, I swear," Belaya says. A pang of guilt shoots through me – I can hear in her voice that I'm scaring her, but she still isn't stopping. I don't deserve her. "Why would you – did you _mean_ to kill her?"  
  
"No!" I say. "Of course not! But I was _angry_ , and I hit her harder than I should have, and I... in the Force, I _felt_ her die! I felt her empty, Force-dead corpse!  
  
"She faked it," Belaya says uneasily. "I don't know how, exactly, but I heard the Masters talking about it. She wanted to test you."  
  
"By making me think I had murdered her?" I start to tremble, lowering my head, letting the water drip down from my hood. "No. No _way_. I cared about her, I trusted her – I don't _believe_ this. You must be wrong, you must have misheard, she couldn't really have—"  
  
" _I saw her!_ " Belaya shrieked. "She came out of the infirmary with bandages on her legs, she ate meals in the refectory... I saw her walk right onto a shuttle off Dantooine. Wasn't even limping by then. I don't know where she's going – if this is supposed to be part of your _test_ , like they're sending her away so you don't feel her, or if they're deploying her to the front lines, or what – but she's _definitely_ alive. And she didn't... she didn't even stay to tell you."  
  
"My test," I echo emptily. "What were they testing?"  
  
"I'm not sure, exactly, but I think..." She swallows, perhaps fearing my temper. "You had been angry. They wanted to see how far that anger would go."  
  
"They _what_?" I grimace with rage, and Belaya flinches back, even knowing that my rage isn't really for her. "Of course I was angry! _My homeworld was leveled!_ "  
  
"I know!" she chokes. "I know, and that's why I came out here. It's wrong. What they did is wrong. I know that, and I... I'm here to help, if you want me."  
  
"Quatra let me believe I had killed her... to teach me a lesson about _mourning my homeworld_." The anger has gone, leaving behind nothing but an empty whisper. I kneel down, letting the dirt soak into my pants as I sob into the rain.  
  
It's strange. I thought that I had left the Jedi. That I had betrayed them, murdering my master and casting myself deep into the Dark. But instead they left me. The Master I studied under for four years, the Council I trusted to guide me – they betrayed me.  
  
It's strange to realize that this hurts _worse_ , somehow. Knowing that it wasn't my fault.  
  
Belaya rests a hand on my shoulder, warm even through my rain-slick jacket. "I... heard that they're sending someone after you tomorrow, at first light. That weird new Padawan, apparently."  
  
"Bastila's body double?" I ask weakly. "At least she'll be no match for me, eh?"  
  
Belaya doesn't look so sure about that, and I deflate, just a little. "You haven't seen her last duels with Bastila," she mumbles. "She's _good_ , better than she has any right to be – I could barely tell who was who by the end. Sorry."  
  
"Fuck." I'd never talked to the woman – Kiva, I thought? – like Belaya had, but I'd seen her around, before I fled the enclave. I know full well she's powerful. I just thought... she couldn't be trained so fast.  
  
"The point is, the Council just told her to 'cleanse the grove,'" Belaya says. "They wouldn't explain what that meant, just told her to do it."  
  
"They want me _killed_?" I breathe. "Even though Quatra's fine? Even though I didn't _do—_ "  
  
"They didn't _say_ they wanted you killed," says Belaya, shuffling uneasily on her feet. "They just... didn't sound too worried about the prospect."  
  
"I can't _stay_ ," I whimper, getting back to my feet. "I can't... If Quatra lied to me, if they won't explain to me what happened, they won't even... tell the Padawan coming after me not to murder me, then I... How can I trust them to take care of me after this?"  
  
"I can't go," Belaya says, looking off into the rain. "I can't – I'm so close to Knighthood, and I... this is what I always wanted, and I... Where would I go?" Her eyes snap back to me. "Where will _you_ go?! You're not going to join the Sith, are you?"  
  
A fast breath hisses through my teeth. I hadn't _thought_ of that – but now that I have, all I can see is _Revan_ in her shining armor, killing slavers and freeing slaves – freeing _me_ – with righteous lightsaber strokes and eyes that I only realized in retrospect were already glowing with the Dark Side. "No!" I say, too loud, as if trying to cover my uncertainty. "No, not the Sith. I know the Jedi will be looking for me, but I... lived on the edge for a long time, before I came to the Jedi. I can do it again. Find work as a mercenary, maybe, or a Hutt-world tough. Jedi don't go that far out."  
  
"Yeah, I guess I shouldn't have said that..." Belaya looks embarrassed, like she thinks she stuck her foot in it again. "You wouldn't join them after they destroyed Taris, I mean..."  
  
Oh. Crap. I... I hadn't thought about Taris at all. I'd _forgotten_ about the destruction of my home world. And that was weird, wasn't it?  
  
I'd been so torn up about the Sith destruction of Taris at first, but after killing Quatra – after I _thought_ I killed Quatra – it had stopped feeling so important. After all, I hated Taris. I always did. The ones I hated most died beneath Revan's saber, but... I realized out here on the grasslands that there are so many people there I wanted dead, and few to none I'd really miss.  
  
Even before I ran, I'd heard from one of Bastila's companions – the Republic pilot, Onasi – that he'd personally seen Davik Kang die. It was all I could do not to crow over it right in the middle of the refectory. So the Sith destroyed my homeworld? Good riddance. And I _know_ I would never have thought that before I left the Enclave, but... I just can't bring myself to regret it.  
  
"I... I guess you're getting over Taris? Good... good for you. A Jedi doesn't nurture such emotions."  
  
"Yeah," I say sheepishly, not making eye contact. I _wish_ that's why I'm so calm about it.  
  
"Where have you been staying?" Belaya asks, clearly making a grab for normality. "Do you have a tent, or—"  
  
"I set my bedroll up in a cave," I say. "It's not too bad – there's a permacrete floor, part of the old ruins. And it keeps the rain off. Do you... want to stay with me, or...?"  
  
"I, uh..." She blushes a little. "I can't stay, but I'd still like to join you for a little while..."  
  
~~  
  
I wake as the first rays of dawn bathe my humble cave in red light, feeling strangely refreshed. After all the revelations of yesterday, I would expect to feel terrible, but I don't. Perhaps it's the clarity of finally understanding that it's not worth regretting my departure from the Jedi. That leaving is the right thing to do.  
  
And... Belaya's company may have something to do with it, too. I wish she could still be here, but she left for the Enclave before I even went to sleep – it'd be dangerous for her to be missed at breakfast. But I'll try to comm her, once I've made it to a larger planet. Force, I hope they don't find out. I hope they don't do anything to her just because she was close to me.  
  
But there's no time for sentimental thoughts. I pack up my few belongings and ride a kath hound to the nearest civilian settlement, a small, dusty frontier town of ugly prefab buildings. The spaceport consists of painted circles on packed earth and a solar-powered nav beacon nailed to a pole. I didn't bring many credits with me, but it doesn't take much to buy a berth aboard one of the crummy old light freighters that crowd the Outer Rim planets like moths around lanterns.  
  
It's not even noon when I catch my last ever glimpse of the Enclave – my home for the last five years – through the cockpit glass of a rusty old agricultural hauler as it sprints for orbit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whee, more _KotOR_ fic! It's been too long, I think. :) I'm very fond of Juhani as a character, and I'm glad to finally have the chance to write something Juhani-centric. But don't worry – Revan and Bastila will be showing up soon enough too.
> 
> Note that this fic shares some of its backstory with my [_Being Darth Revan_](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23265511) in that the Council here changed Revan's body as well as her mind, altering her to look like Bastila Shan. This has a few purposes – it prevents anyone from recognizing her, stops her from identifying too closely with her old memories (for instance, if she were to remember canon's [famous mask-off reveal scene](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xc6eDFobJXg#t=2m43s), she wouldn't recognize the face), and gives them an excuse to keep Revan close to Bastila (as Bastila's body double, she naturally would be). It also has a few drawbacks, whiiiich are going to come up any time now.
> 
> I do have more of this, but it's not quite ready to post yet. I hope to get some of it out soon, though I've not had much luck with that lately – my fanfic-writing focus seems to have grown more mercurial of late. I've started a zillion projects, and only finished this chapter.


End file.
